We Now Know One Of Victoria’s Secrets…

IMG-20130830-WA003

SHE’S ILLITERATE!

I don’t care what kinda play on words they may think they’re using – this is pure and simple apostrophe abuse!!  Apostrophe was there chilling, minding his own business, when Victoria and her people came and grabbed him just to mistreat him in this way.  Who is Body?  We’ve never seen Body’s what like this?  Do you see what I mean?  Surely there’s a word missing.

To get their point across they could have said “YOU’VE NEVER SEEN A BODY LIKE THIS,” right? Or “YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BODIES LIKE THESE.”  It still makes sense.  They’ve written it so boldly too… *Sigh*

I’m off to write a full A4 page of “bodies” so I can get my mind right again…

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Throwback Thursday: My Earliest Memories of Michael Jackson

michael-jackson-thriller

Today would have been Michael Jackson’s 55th birthday.  I don’t really believe in saying ‘Happy Birthday’ to someone who is no longer here, because I just don’t see how it could be ‘happy’ for them if they’re dead.  That’s just my personal belief though, so you’re welcome to disagree.  I prefer to remember them, so that’s what I’m gonna do.  In conjunction with it being a Throwback Thursday, I’m going to recall my earliest memory of him.

I was five years old and living in Guyana, South America.  There were no television stations there at the time, so I remember my parents used to play a lot of music (and this is where my love of Soca music began).  One of the albums they had was the Thriller album, and I don’t remember whether it was one of their favourites or if it was played so often to keep me occupied, but I know I absolutely loved it.  I used to sit with my ear to the big speaker we had in the sitting room, because I thought Michael Jackson was in there, singing.

Of course the whole album is just a masterpiece, but I distinctly remember having an opinion on three of the songs back then.  The first one was Wanna Be Startin Somethin.  It was a BIG deal to me that I knew when the “Hee hee hee ha!” bit came in the instrumental break.  I think my mum had laughed and commended me one time, because she was surprised that I knew when it came, and this made me feel like a genius or something.

The second song was The Girl Is Mine.  I didn’t have a clue who Paul McCartney was, I just knew I didn’t like him because he was trying to fight with Michael Jackson and take his girl.  There was no way the girl was Paul’s!  Not over Michael Jackson.  No way!  Horrible man.  Leave Michael Jackson alone, he told you he’s a lover not a fighter!

(Notice I have to say Michael Jackson’s full name, because back then no one ever referred to him as just Michael.  He was Michael Jackson.)

TheGirlIsMine

The third song I had thoughts on was Lady In My Life.  It was the part when he sings “Stay with me/I want you to stay with meeeeee…”  Five year-old Wendy felt so sorry for him!  (Yes – ‘Wendy’.  I started spelling it with an ‘i’ when I was 12).  Why didn’t she want to stay with him??  Why would Michael Jackson have to ask you to stay with him??  Why was everyone being horrible to Michael Jackson? 😦

One thing that baffled me was… scroll up to the photo at the top of this post… Can you see the way he has two very prominent veins sticking out of his wrist area?  How??  I didn’t understand it and it made me study my own wrist trying to figure it out.

It wasn’t until we came back to live in London that I saw the Thriller video, and I became a walking contradiction.  The video scared the sh*te out of me, but I loved it.  My cousins had The Making of Michael Jackson’s Thriller on video, and on my orders we had to watch it every single time we went to their house.  But I loved Michael Jackson and was scared of him in equal measures, because I thought that every time he appeared on TV he would turn into a werewolf.  I have a memory of watching him perform Human Nature (I think) on Top Of The Pops, and watching it while hiding behind my hands…  The good ole days, eh?

I’ve always said that no man has ever created excitement for me the way Michael Jackson did, so all I can do is thank him for his creativity.

RIP Michael Jackson x

My “WTF?” question of the week so far…

How the hell did Miley Cyrus manage to get her bum to look like that??

Source: weknowmemes.com

Source: weknowmemes.com

I wish you could see my face as I look at that photo.  I just don’t understand it, and I would really appreciate someone explaining it to me.  Or maybe even demonstrating it for me, just don’t be offended by my facial expression.  I feel like I can smell the raw chicken emanating from the screen.  If I don’t blog again, it’s because my laptop has been poisoned.

Dear God,

May that never be me.

Amen.

But really though – WTF???

9 Highlights of Notting Hill Carnival 2013 – For Me

NHC

Ok, I know I keep talking about the Carnival, so I promise this will be the last post about it for this year (I think!).  I had so much fun yesterday, just as I expected, and these are my highlights of the day:

The weather being perfect!  Enough sunshine to make the day very warm but not hot – exactly how you’d want it while wearing a big head dress!

The absolute fabulousness and vibrant colours of the costumes!  It seems that every band stepped it up a notch.

The fact that our friends, who were participating for the first time, proved us right when we said that they would have the most fun!  New converts – hurrrrah!

Seeing familiar faces in the other bands.

The way I seemed to make people’s day by simply agreeing to pose for a photo with them.  When I say you feel like a celebrity, it’s not a joke!  At one point it was like we were surrounded by paparazzi!

The policewoman who actually passed us her phone so that she could have her own copy of a photo taken with us!  It was hilarious!  I feel sorry for some of those on duty sometimes.

The overall feeling of friendliness and unity.  Even if it’s only for one or two days, it was if we were on holiday and everyone was just free from the problems a normal weekday would bring.

The well-stocked UCOM truck bar!  The Rum kept me schweeet…

The soca song that got everyone excited:

ROLL ON 2014!!!!!!

Did you attend?  What were the highlights for you?

Playing Mas At Carnival? Here’s A Checklist For The Day

Notting Hill Carnival weekend is upon us, and I, for one, am very excited!  The fever is in the air and the events have started.  For those of you who are veteran masqueraders – I might see you on the road!  Those of you going as revellers – have fun and be safe!  And for those of you who will be playing mas for the first time – you’re gonna love it!

This will be my 8th time on the road, so I’m going to let you know what to have and do in preparation for the day – purely based on my experiences.

Collect your costume in good time:  Obviously that’s not necessarily up to you, but if you’re with an organised band, your costume will be ready early enough for you o try it on at home and know what extras you might want to get to jazz it up more, if need be.

Plan your route to your band’s base:  It’s not secret that travelling to West London on that day isn’t straight-forward, due to all the road and station closures, so plan ahead, and do the same for your route home.  If you can arrange for someone to pick you up from somewhere at the end of the day, you’ll be SO thankful.

Carry a small bag for essential items:  I usually have a small bag on me for my phone, camera, cash and lip balm.  A handbag you can strap around you, or a pouch around your waist.  Avoid taking too many valuables.  Also, I don’t carry my whole purse, just a few ££s in case I want to buy something from one of the stalls.

Pack a flag of the country you’re repping: It’s always nice to see others who are from where you are.  I love finding/meeting fellow Ghanaians, mostly because the Carnival is predominantly a Caribbean celebration.

Wear as much of your costume under your clothes:  To avoid having to get naked in an inconvenient or public place, I always wear my bra and shorts under the t-shirt & jeans/leggings I’m wearing while making my way there in the morning.  That way all I have to do is strip when the time comes.  You should bring a bag to keep the things you won’t be needing on the road, like your outer wearm make-up, etc, and you should be able to leave them safely at your band’s base.

Stay safe:  I believe that being a part of a carnival band is the safest way to attend, so always make sure you don’t venture too far from them if you decide to go walkies.  If you’re with friends and you become separated, you should probably agree on a meeting place.  I’d say the best place is back with your band, because you will be with familiar people, and you’ll probably need to be with them to head back to base and collect your belongings, or get on the coach (if you came with one).

Lastly:  HAVE FUN AND DANCE LIKE NO ONE IS WATCHING!!!!!!

Have I forgotten anything?

 

Random Thoughts & Observations From The Office II

Source: unlimitedlolzzz.com

Source: unlimitedlolzzz.com

 

Check me getting here within 90 minutes of the agency call! The life of a temp, eh?

Aww these people are nice. I feel like a permanent staff member.

Oh my gosh, I’m actually starving now and there’s no non-carby thing for me to have as my breakfast.  Grrr… Today is gonna be a Many Cups of Tea kinda day…

See that’s what I like – non-judgey people who understand that you should be happy in your job.

Hmm… I don’t want to wear these clothes to go out tonight, but what to wear, what to wear?

Maaaan… that egg & cress roll has taken me about 3 hours to eat and now I feel like I must look pregnant.  Bloated like whaaaat.  I’ll just go for a walk on my break methinks.

Hahahaha! Someone just called me ‘Wonderful Wendi’ on the phone.  Isn’t that what I’ve been telling people for years???!

Woah… some of these phone calls are hardcore.

My silly friends need to stop making me laugh while I sit here alone!

I should really go for a pedicure on the way home today.

Uh-oh… The afternoon sleepy feeling is starting to creep in…

If it was possible for me to eat nothing all day on Monday and feel fine, I would.  The way I’m feeling right now, I don’t know how my carnival costume is gonna look… Curses to delicious refined carbs!

Hahahahahaha! One of the guys just said that he feels unloved, because he has no mail.  Then he joked “I blame you Wendi.  It’s up to you to take care of my mail needs…”  Then he quickly retracted the statement and ran out, because of how it sounded!

But seriously, what is a ‘prayer warrior’?  I’m gonna have to Google it.

Not replying to someone’s message from days ago is just rude and ignorant behaviour.  Anyway…

I need to find out if they need me here again tomorrow.

Dear Everyone, Block block block block…

Source: heartifb.com

Source: heartifb.com

Dear Everyone,

I’m not sure if you’d noticed, but I’ve been taking part in a blogging challenge created by super-blogger Luvvie called ’31 Write Now’, where I have to publish a post every day for the 31 days of August.  The first week was okay, I was able to line up the topics I wanted to write about, in advance.  The second week, I started slowing down slightly, but I would find inspiration at the last minute.

This is the third week now and I am starting to get stressed out!  I have a couple of post ideas to come for certain dates, but right now I’m just BLOCKED.  I’ve been wracking my brain, surfing the web, monitoring Facebook and Twitter and chatting on the phone, all in search of inspiration.  I didn’t actually want to mention that I was doing a challenge, I just wanted you to enjoy the frequent posts – I know they were way overdue!  But for the sake of writing, I’m sharing my current feelings with you.

As a writer you are always told by the experts that the only way to be better is to just keep writing.  Even if you think what you’re writing is nonsense, just write, write, write.  I have great difficulty with this, because I’m the type who won’t do something if I think it won’t work or be good (a trait I’m slowly working on changing), but today I’m putting that theory to practice, and admittedly I’ve written more than I thought I would.

So now I’m going to retire the stressing for the day, and just see what happens tomorrow.

Thank you for listening, and have a lovely evening.

“Kim Kardashian is the hardest working young lady in the world”

Source: celebuzz.com

Source: celebuzz.com

A couple of weeks ago President Obama gave an interview and spoke about what the American Dream has become.  He said success used to be about having a good education, a good job, a good home and feeling secure, but it is now about having flashy cars and living in massive houses, basically wanting what celebrities have.

I think, there has also been a shift in culture. We weren’t exposed to the things we didn’t have in the same way that kids these days are. There was not that window into the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Kids weren’t monitoring every day what Kim Kardashian was wearing, or where Kanye West was going on vacation, and thinking that somehow that was the mark of success.

Well Kim’s pimp mum Kris Jenner didn’t really appreciate Obama mentioning her daughter in that way and, among other things, said on her talk show:

And Kim Kardashian is the hardest-working young lady in the world. She never sleeps, she never stops, she never slows down and works so hard for what she’s got.

Now I mentioned this story to my cousin, and she said she can see that Kim really does work hard.  She said it can’t be easy travelling all over the way she does, having to promote this and that.  I’m sorry but I disagree.  I have a problem with the word ‘hard’ being used in this way.  I don’t think it’s hard to travel all over, I just think it can be tiring.  There’s nothing hard about being paid thousands of dollars to make brief appearances at a club or event.  Or to turn up on red carpets to be photographed.  Hard work to me is what my mum has to do; looking after the elderly, lifting them, washing them and cleaning up the poo that some of them decide to smear around the room.  Or what my other cousin, a barrister, has to do; reading through piles and piles of paperwork through the night, so that she leaves court with the right outcome for the person whose life currently depends on her.  I know I don’t have to list all the professions we know take years of study and honing to achieve.  Being a socialite is just not one of them, sorry.

I read about this whole thing on Madame Noire, and one of their readers commented:

“Ok Kris Jenner. Let’s be clear. Kim hasn’t really “worked” that hard for anything. She had a staring role in “Kim does Ray J” which you parlayed into a family business. Now because of YOU the rest of the world has to endure your family being famous for absolutely nothing! The only reason you have a talk show is because of the “work” you have done pimping out your children for the cameras. Please have a seat and be quiet. You know POTUS is right.”

Exxactly.  By the way, if you didn’t already know, POTUS = President Of The United States.  But as much as it pains me to say it, at a stretch Kris The Momager is who can be considered as the one who has worked hard.  Trying to convince us that her offspring have some sort of talent that we should deem relevant can’t be easy.  Otherwise… nah.

What do you think?