Dear Mainstream Media,
There is a particular issue you’ve been bringing up over and over again, and it’s been happening for the last five months. For the life of me I just can not get my head around it. My eyes have also rolled up on many occasions and said to me: “Wendi why are you putting us through such strain, there’s nothing to see here.” And there really is nothing to see. I’m speaking of Pippa Middleton’s bum.
Since April 29 when she fulfilled her duty as Maid of Honour to her older sister Kate at her Royal Wedding, you have been using the printed and online press to throw her derrière in our faces, as something to be admired and revered, and a lot of us just do not understand why. What exactly is it that you see? You did the same thing with Kylie Minogue many years ago, when the video for her song ‘Spinning Around’ was released.
The same nonsense we were subjected to with Kylie, we are now experiencing with Pippa. Features on exercises to achieve ‘Pippa’s bum’, jeans we can wear, and even invasive surgeries including fat injections to achieve a “fuller and more rounded rear”. How can you have the words “fuller” and “rear” in the same sentence, and liken it to Pippa Middleton? I just don’t geddit. The latest thing I have seen is an email I received from a friend, which featured a press release for pants that give you bottom cleavage, based on Pippa arse. How my friends and I laughed. Really? Look again at the photos above – What. Do. You. See?
Now let me show you something, Mainstream Media. When I, and a lot of people, speak of a naturally amazing backside, this is what we’re thinking of:
Now try and tell me this isn’t simply glorious! I’m a heterosexual woman, but if Serena Williams were to walk past me, I’m pretty sure the expression on my face would be the same as that of a man standing next to me. But mine wouldn’t be sexual, it would be envious. I would love to have a booty like that. THIS is what you should be showing me the exercises for. THIS is what bottom enhancing pants should produce when I put them on. THIS is a butt (and a half)! Look at it. Just look at it!
Do you see what I mean, Media? Pippa may well be a lovely girl, and I don’t mean to offend her in any way (plus she didn’t ask you all to draw attention to her glutes), but even she would have to look at Serena and realise that there is simply no competition. So please Mainstream Media, get a grip and stop leading the lemmings astray. It’s almost like a case of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’, and it is just not fair on them. There is nothing there.
Thank you for listening, and I look forward to your co-operation.