We keep hearing so many conflicting stories about whether “the nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl Cole will or will not be a judge on this year’s UK X-Factor, depending on whether she will or will not be a judge on this year’s US X-Factor. At the time of writing this, the last we heard in this will-she-won’t-she ‘saga’ is that Simon Cowell actually has managed to get the US producers to offer her a spot as a judge. Good luck to the yanks when it comes to understanding her..
So, just for argument’s sake, let’s suppose that “our sweetheart” doesn’t return to the UK show this year, who do you think should replace her? Well I, for one, think that in light of the recent ‘controversy’ surrounding the ITV drama Midsomer Murders and the lack of ethnicity portrayed (which I may add I have no issue with, because I just don’t think it would be realistic), there should be a touch of colour on the X-Factor panel, so I have come up with a list of the top five female celebrities I think could do well in Ms Cole’s seat:
5 – Estelle
She is a UK born and bred artist who has managed to achieve what has become the goal of every single UK artist in recent years – breaking America. She has connections with big US artists, such as Kanye West and John Legend, so she could do as Cheryl did with Will.I.Am, and have one of them help her in her selections. The only thing is that I’m not sure about is how much of a challenge Estelle would be to Dannii Minogue when it comes to the weekly Dress Off – and we all know that it has become the competition within the competition!
4 – Mel B
It would only make sense, since she’s one-fifth of one of the most successful girl groups to come out of the UK, and would know what to tell the contestants about preparing and dealing with global success. She has previous experience on the X-Factor, when she acted as a mentor to the contestants in the Australian version of the show. Add to that the fact that she has an amazing figure, so the dresses would look fab on her, as long as she masters a more feminine walk. Unfortunately (but not for her) the factor that will work against her is that she has recently announced her third pregnancy, so it really wouldn’t make sense for the show to take on someone new who will be off during the audition process, will it?
3 – Alesha Dixon
She is very down-to-earth and likeable, and she has the kind of laugh that makes you also laugh… well me anyway! She also knows a thing or two about the UK music industry, having been a part of girl group Mis-teeq, and later a solo artist. I would say that, in the same vein as Ms Cole, the X-Factor could help her to achieve a successful solo single or album… possibly. Obviously the biggest problem will be that she is already a judge on the rival show Strictly Come Dancing over on the BBC, and if I were her I wouldn’t risk the wrath of the viewing public a second time, by deflecting to the other side…
2 – Alexandra Burke
Who better to know how to advise current contestants on winning the X-Factor than a previous winner? Of course Leona Lewis is the most successful winner, but there is that small matter of her apparent lack of a personality, which I think is really just shyness. Those who remember Alexandra in 2008 will remember that she was very animated, bordering on jarring, through the series, so there would be no danger of a boring performance with her as a judge. She has the look, and she could possibly call on her mate Cheryl for advice… assuming Chezza is even still in contact with her. Really, we haven’t heard from her for a while, so this opportunity could be good for her, and just like Alesha, could help her achieve a successful single or album. We all know that her record label are taking liberties with her, and giving her basic crap to release, knowing that if they just put in that little effort, she could do so much better than she has. Why people want to get into that industry is sometimes completely beyond me.
1 – Jamelia
I think she would be perfect! This might sound mad, but it came to me in a dream. Don’t ask me why I was even dreaming about X-Factor judges, I must have eaten something cheesy before going to bed, but it was one of those in-between moments when you’re conscious for a few minutes before starting your next round of sleep, and I thought: “Why don’t they take on Jamelia??!” Think about it: she’s quite bold and feisty, she has had mainstream pop success, she has an accent that we could make fun of, she would put fellow judge Louis Walsh in his place when he tries to get above his station, and on top of that, she’s hawt! She would look fabulous in the designer dresses offered to her, since she’s already been the legs of Pretty Polly tights with those pins of hers, signed by ICM Models and shared a catwalk with Naomi Campbell. Yes yes, I know these don’t have much to do with helping the contestants musically, but looks and image are all a part of the industry. Plus she would be the first judge to go by a mononym. Above everything I have mentioned though, this would be a chance for Jamelia to prove herself as credible after making remarks about Leona Lewis during the contest in 2006. A way to make amends if anything. We haven’t really heard from her of late, and the latest trend seems to be for pop stars to try and move into television, so why not?
Do you agree?
(And no, this isn’t an April Fool’s post…)