Speaking Easy – Battle of the Sexes: Parental Custody, Staying Together, Polygamy, What Men and Women Want, Biggest Turn-Offs


The first Speakeasy of 2011 took place this week, and it was a funny and lively evening, with a little added twist of being a battle of the sexes, therefore we were seated in opposing male and female sections. Here’s what was discussed:

Why, by default, are mothers awarded custody of the children when a couple split up?

Female:  The mothers are the ones who carried and nurtured the child.  There is a bond that the fathers can not match.

Male:  Women have a distorted view of what a man’s role is.  Just because women carry the child, it doesn’t give them an automatic right.

Female:  It should be split down the middle and the most appropriate parent should have custody of the child.

Male:  A lot of women are more concerned with the quality of their own lifestyle than that of the child.

Female:  It should be equally shared.

Male:  The court system is against the father, no matter what.  It is always the woman who gets he child, regardless of the effort the father has made.

I agree that in the event of a split the child should go to the most appropriate parent.  The male who posed the question said that he thinks men are better financially equipped to look after the child, and even if he is unable to provide the sort of emotional support a mother would, he would know how to make the child strong, especially if it was a son.  Nonsense.

What do you think?

Is society more selfish now?  Our parents and grandparents would stay together for the sake of the children even if they hated each other, but now all our generation care about is that we ourselves are happy.

Female:  Choose the best person for you.  If they make you feel negative in any way, the child will be able to pick up on it, and you will grow to resent your partner later.

Female:  Sometimes you can try your best in a relationship and it will still not work.

Male:  Women are more selfish nowadays, some wan kids regardless of who it is with, just as long as they get a baby.  They have no concept of ‘family’.

Female:  If men protected themselves, they wouldn’t be having unwanted children. 

Female (42 years old but looked FAR younger!):  Hasn’t had any children as yet, because she hasn’t met anyone she’s wanted to have children with.  But she is now at a place in her life where she feels she has established her career and everything she has wanted to achieve, so she is ready to have a child and doesn’t feel she needs a man to help raise it.

Male:  We, as a whole, are confused about how to sustain a successful marriage, because our elders haven’t shown us, simply by staying in unhappy marriages for the sake of the children.  Now that we are the elders, we have to teach the youth how o do it properly.

Female:  Men can produce children until their dying day, women realistically are on the clock past their thirties.

Female:  We live in a society of instant gratification, so everything is about what we want right now and we don’t think in the long-term.

I agree with the guy who said that we haven’t really been taught properly about marriage.  I can think of quite a few aunties, uncles, etc, who are either together just because that’s how it has always been, or are no longer married and literally hate each other.  Therefore I don’t think we can be blamed for wanting to find someone who we can see ourselves being happy with, rather than see marriage as some sort of business transaction.  Children are not stupid, and as much as many parents think that their kids won’t interpret certain situations…trust me, they do.

What do you think?

With the growing number of women professing that all men cheat, should we be considering the idea of polygamy over monogamy?

Male:  We are mammals, and if you look at mammals in the animal kingdom, the don’t stay with just one ‘partner’.

Female:  To suggest that polygamy should be introduced because men are cheating so much would mean that we are accepting that it’s fine for men to move from woman to woman.

This would be such a silly reason to legalise polygamy, and I completely agree with the lady who spoke.  It’s not about letting men off so easily, we should rather work to find out why they are cheating, and put an end to it.  Okay… yes I know, that wouldn’t happen in our lifetime, but I refuse to believe that men are not designed to be with just one woman, because there are men who do not cheat, so it is more than possible.  Another person brought up the fact that polygamy doesn’t exist purely for men to be able to move between women, it is rather seen as another form of creating a family.

What do you think?

What is the biggest turn-off in the opposite sex?

As the mic was sent around the room, there was a whole load of opinions:




A flat bum



Bad hygiene

Black women who do not identify with African culture

Bitch-ass men

Women who think that raising a child means to just shout at them

Inability to care for oneself

Lack of ambition and drive

Men who say they can deliver but can’t

Lack of cultural awareness

Inability to communicate

Not being able to articulate

Women who speak and behave like men

I have to say that although all those mentioned are turn-offs, for me it is a tie desperation and a man who chooses to speak like a teenager. Innit, you get me doh blud?

How about you?


3 comments on “Speaking Easy – Battle of the Sexes: Parental Custody, Staying Together, Polygamy, What Men and Women Want, Biggest Turn-Offs

  1. Interesting. I would have to say that if we’re giong to introduce polygamy as a soultion to cheating, we’d also have to suggest polyandry as a solution to women cheater–because guess what? Women do it, too. And what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? Also, why not just start talking about group marriage in which there are multiple partners of both genders? That could be interesting–and maybe help out with that whole “They have no concept of ‘family’” today thing that one fella was talking about. OR we could get to the root of the cheating problem and just stop doing it, like the woman suggests. 🙂

  2. I think some people do look for the easy way out in terms of what they might consider a failing marriage/relationship BUT I also don’t believe in staying together for the sake of the children.
    Parents shouldn’t use children as an excuse or as avoidance – they should absolutely be a consideration but the relationship between the two adults needs to be dealt with first.

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