‘Race and Online Dating’

Check out this article in the Guardian today, by Bim Adewunmi, about her experience with race and online dating.  It’s a very good piece, and yours truly has also been quoted *cue my cheesy grin*


To read more of what Bim has to say about everything in general, have a peek at her blog: http://yorubagirldancing.com

Nice one girlie!


Speaky Spokey


Firstly I just want to say that I know with this post I am in danger of offending and possibly alienating people I know and people I am close to, so I am inserting this disclaimer before I get started:  I’m doing this out of love and care for you.  That is all.

Since joining social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, I have noticed just how many people haven’t fully grasped the art of proper grammar, and it seems to multiply each day.  So much so that nowadays I’m paranoid about making the same mistakes simply because they look to be in danger of becoming the norm!  I admit to being a bit of a snob when it comes to speaking and writing correctly, but in no way am I saying that I am perfect.  Not at all.  There is so much more I myself can learn.  But I don’t think people take the time out to really check what they’re writing, so I’m going to help you!  Please remember my disclaimer and don’t take it in any sort of patronising way.



This is the most popular crime I see being committed!  Please take a look at the below image:

Do you get it?  You can’t say “Your funny”, because “your” refers to a person’s possession.  What you mean is “You are funny”, in which case “you’re” is the correct term.  It’s “you are” but with the ‘a’ replaced by an apostrophe, just so you can say the sentence quicker.  Geddit?  If you say to me “Your funny”, I interpret that as “my funny”, and that doesn’t make sense – my funny what??



Now where do I start?  Ok:  “Their” is the same as “your”, it means belonging to.  “They’re” is the same as “you’re”, it means “they are”.  “There” is a bit more complicated.  As explained by Dictionary.com ( please look there) it means ‘that place’ or ‘a point in action’ or ‘in that matter’.  Basically the way I have been seeing the words used, “there” has been put in place of “their” and “they’re.”  So people would write: “There song is really good” or “There quite a rubbish group”.  It makes me cringe, because it doesn’t make sense.  It should be: “Their (belonging to) song is really good” and “They’re (they are) quite a rubbish group.”  I would like people to take the time to break down what the sentence would be in full, then think about what the correct word or abbreviation would be.  It really doesn’t take long.



Ugh – with this one I think I know where the problem stems from.  When people say “should of” what they should be saying is “should have.”  The abbreviation of “should have” is “should’ve”, and that’s what I think is being misinterpreted as “should of.”  Understand?  If you say to me:  “You should of bought those shoes,” my response to you should be, “Yeah I know, but I ofn’t.”  Have you ever heard of “ofn’t?”  Didn’t think so.  But if you say: “You should’ve bought those shoes,”  I can then reply, “Yeah I know, but I haven’t.”  Makes more sense right?


I’ve seen a trillion variations of the spelling of this word.  Ok not exactly a trillion, but a lot of people are confused about how to spell this word correctly, and spellings range from ‘Definately’ to ‘Definitly’ to ‘Defantely.’  So let’s tackle it this way:  break down the word itself to exactly how you pronounce it.  I’m sure you’ll come up with DEF-IN-IT-ELY.  Did you?  Now say it quickly. See?  Those previous spellings are incorrect.  There is no ‘a’ in ‘definitely.’

There are other grammatical errors that bother me, but not as much as those I’ve mentioned.  Please people, let’s work together to clean up Twitter and Facebook and show that years at school weren’t wasted.  And remember:

Speaking Easy: Porn, Cellulite, Relationship constraints, Superiority complexes, Black History Month, Bad breath

This month’s Speakeasy topics for you to ponder:

If entering into a new relationship, should men get rid of all their porn DVDs and women throw away their ‘toys’, or do they have a place?

There’s no need for these things to be thrown away, put away maybe, but not to be rid of.  As some people in the discussion commented, these items could actually help spice up the relationship when it is in danger of becoming stale.  If you get jealous and consider it cheating because your man has porn DVDs, then I’d say you need something else to focus on in life.  Likewise for men being  jealous that their girlfriend may have a toy in a drawer somewhere.  If you’re fortunate (or not) to spend every waking moment together, then these items may not be necessary to you, but I do agree that they can only do more good than harm.  And before you ask…. no I don’t have any toys… don’t need ’em…

What do you think?

Do stretch marks and cellulite (on women) bother men more than women?

To be honest, if I was to go by my own body, namely my thighs, I wouldn’t know that they aren’t acually supposed to be two-toned like they are.  I’ve only ever known stretch marks.  I know I have cellulite also, but to be honest I haven’t really notice where.  Both those things I have never worried about, and I think if you show that it bothers you, guys will notice it too.  Personally I have never had any comments from the opposite sex concerning stretch marks or cellulite on my body, and the general consensus in the debate was that guys don’t really care about that sort of thing.  They initally notice a woman’s shape, then once they get to know her, they don’t sweat the small stuff like stretch marks… allegedly.

What do you think?

Why do people put time constraints on events in a relationship, like the first kiss, talking about children, etc?

The general consensus was that for guys it is mostly peer pressure, and for girls it’s a way of ensuring that they don’t come across as fast and easy.  I think girls have been inundated with ‘advice’ from a lot of self-help books, which tell us things like “don’t kiss until the third date” and “wait three months before sleeping with him.”  But as one female said, people should just do what they feel like doing and not care what others think of them.  Likewise, people should stop getting in other people’s business, because what they do doesn’t concern anyone but themselves.  I also think that once a woman reaches a certain age, the old biological clock starts ticking loudly, meaning the amount of time she has left to do things “properly” is shorter.  Obviously this isn’t the case for all women…

What do you think?

Do women who don’t relax their hair think they’re superior to those who do?

I have to say…. with 100% honesty…. that I have previously found that women with natural hair have looked down on those who don’t wear their hair in the same way.  In this case I take the ‘relaxed hair’ to also include those with weaves.  Someone said during the debate that if women with relaxed hair feel that way, then it must be in their imagination and actually how they feel about themselves, but I disagree.  It rather comes across by some – not all – as an “Ugh, you’re not as proud to be black as I am.”  Although I personally have not relaxed my hair in over a year and it is in its natural state, I do wear extensions/weaves because I simply like variety – I change my hairstyle every month.  I’m not even going to enter into a ‘Why do women wear weaves?’ type of debate, because that is so tired (though when the question in this topic was read out, there was a lot of huffing, puffing and tutting because some misunderstood what was being asked).  Women who relax their hair know full well what goes into it, especially since it was discussed in Chris Rock’s documentary ‘Good Hair’, and it is a convenient choice they have made for themselves.  I definitely don’t think all ‘natural sistas’ think they are superior, but the question hasn’t come from nowhere..

What do you think?

Does Black History Month mean anything anymore?

Black History Month does still have a bit of meaning, though the hype is not as much as it should be, and although it is true that it should be a constant year round event, it isn’t.  Therefore if a month has been dedicated to it, I think it is up to us to educate those who would otherwise not have a slight clue about events in black history.  People have to realise that we are not in a predominantly black country, so unfortunately the number of people who would like it recognised as a mainstream thing isn’t enough for the government to rule black history as standard in the curriculum.  I have also been hearing the predicted snide comments of, “Well there should also be a White History Month”.  To those people I ask two things:  What is it you think we have been forced to learn at school all this time?  What can you actually tell me about events and people in Black History, without mentioning the names Martin Luther King and Malcolm X?

What do you think?

If your colleague’s breath smells, should you tell them?

If you know an inoffensive way of doing so – then yes!  I once had a colleague, a pretty young girl, who was prone to an overwhelming scent of body odour.  None of my other colleagues and I knew how to tell her, so we left it to our supervisor to do it.  We were never told how it was said, just that “it’s been done.”

How would you do it?