Speaking Easy: Women’s clothing, Masculinity, Sexual partners, Marriage and kids, Cultural divide, Weight, Younger men

The September edition of Speakeasy took place on Wednesday, and it was a good’un! Lively and mostly light-hearted.  Here are the topics that were up for discussion…

Does what a woman wears affect the type of man she attracts?

Yes I think it does on one hand, but not necessarily so, on the other hand.  I remember in 2003 I decided to have hair extensions that were a fairly bright shade of red, and as a result I was being approached by a large number of Jamaican men.  Take from that what you will, but in my opinion I think it is because a lot of Jamaican women are known for their elaborate and colourful hair styles and clothing, and so they must have thought I was also from there.  But I also think that in our society if a woman wears a scantily-clad outfit somewhere that she would stand out, then any man would be drawn to her, no matter how great or small his intention is.  Likewise, if a woman was in a club wearing a polo-neck jumper, long skirt and flat boots (for example), she more-than-likely would not attract much male attention at all.  But that’s just my opinion…

What do you think?

Can men expect women to respect them as men when they go and effeminise themselves with manicures, facials, etc?

What a coincidence that they should ask this question, seeing as myself and Mr Lanrizzle just discussed this here!  Again, I have no problem with a man looking after himself by moisturising his skin, and neatening his hair and facial hair.  But the respect for him as a man would wane if his beauty routine takes longer than mine.  One female at the debate mentioned that men getting their eyebrow area waxed is not a problem as long as they are preventing a unibrow and not actually creating arches.  I fully agree!

What do you think?

Should the question ‘How many sexual partners have you had?’ ever be asked?

The general consensus was that it should not be asked unless you are either prepared to deal with the truth or be lied to.  One guy had the cheek to say that he doesn’t feel it is right for a woman to have had any more than two previous partners – two being the absolute maximum!  What some people don’t seem to realise is that the number of sexual partners you have had does not determine the amount of sex you have had.  A person could be in their 30s and only have had two partners in their life, but with those two people they could have experimented and mastered everything to do with sex.  At the same time a person could have had 40 partners who were all one night stands and this wouldn’t necessarily make them extremely experienced.  Someone brought up the point that the number of sexual partners is not the question that should be asked, but rather when the last time was that they had been tested for infections.  I completely agree with that.  I have never felt the need to ask about the number of previous partners, because it hasn’t been relevant to the situation.  And to be extremely honest, I can’t say that I’m someone who wouldn’t struggle to deal with hearing that he has slept with 67 girls before me.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss!

What do you think?

Is there anything wrong with not wanting marriage and children?

There’s nothing wrong with it at all.  Even though marriage and children are things I want in my life, I personally don’t understand it when those who don’t are accused of being selfish.  Surely the fact that they know now is better than going ahead then abandoning it, isn’t it??  One lady made the point that as humans our primary function is to reproduce, therefore by not doing so we are not fulfilling our purpose.  That’s all well and good, but we live in a society where we have the freedom to choose.  To me it’s much better that a person who says they can’t or doesn’t want to refrains from doing so.

What do you think?

Does the African/Caribbean divide still exist?

I don’t think it exists as much in our generation as it does in our parents’ generation, and that is because most of them originally came to the UK from their respective countries, with whatever stereotypes they had grown up with, whereas we have all mostly grown up mixing together, with ‘being British’ as the thing we have in common.  Children of African backgrounds made friends with those of Caribbean backgrounds, and vice-versa, and although we are all aware of the stereotypes that exist of each other, nowadays they are said more in jest than anything.  When we were young, we Africans would be called names like “African bubu” or “African boo-boo” (or how ever it was supposed to be spelt!) by the Caribbean kids, but really we didn’t have a comeback.  What the hell is a bubu/boo-boo anyway??  That being said, one lady at the debate told us that being half Nigerian and half Jamaican was sometimes hard for her when each side of her family say negative things about the other, because they don’t realise that no matter what they think she is part of it, so in a way she becomes stuck in the middle.  It’s an interesting one…

What do you think?

Is it acceptable to tell someone that they have lost or gained weight?

This one is very simple for me:  if they asked for your honest opinion, then yes.  If they didn’t ask, but you volunteered your opinion, then no.  I can’t stand it when people tell you something they know you would find negative, as if you didn’t already know it.  I know a couple of people like that and I have learned to ignore them.  If you know someone is trying to lose weight, and you think they are succeeding, then it is nice to tell them so.  If you know someone who is trying to gain weight and they are succeeding, it is nice to tell them so.  But if the result they are achieving is the opposite of what they want, just shut up, because they probably already know!

What do you think?

Why are women in their 30s patronising to guys in their late-20s or younger who approach them?

Well to be honest I didn’t know that women in their 30s were patronising to younger guys.  But if they are, then it is simply because the guys don’t approach them in a mature way.  You can’t approach a 32 year old woman the same way you would a 23 year old, because more often than not they wouldn’t take a guy seriously if he came with the “Yeah I like you, you get me? What’s your number, you get me? Yeah we should link still, you get me?”  But maybe me saying that is patronising in itself….

What do you think?


2 comments on “Speaking Easy: Women’s clothing, Masculinity, Sexual partners, Marriage and kids, Cultural divide, Weight, Younger men

  1. Hi, very interesting, I especially loved your comments on the divide, weight and 30s ladies topics, brilliant points written well.

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